The masks we wear... and change out of and back into...

Today I spent the day with my nephews. They are both still very young, full of energy and life. Just before they arrived with their mother, I was sitting at my computer vigorously answering emails about our thespian banquet and the auditorium's sound system update. When the two boys ran into my apartment their hands went straight for all the things they shouldn't be touching, one of those being my checkbook, which reminded me that I was five days late on my car payment.

In those moments, I was so many people. I went from the dedicated teacher, trying to think ahead to stay on track to the fun loving aunt excited for the good times in store. From there I quickly became the scatter-brained adult a little on the forgetful side. Like an actor, I was playing the roles that make up my life.

Uta Hagen writes to her audience about exploration of self. Who are we? Is that a question that we can answer simply and in a few sentences. It's so often that we have to: dating profiles, resumes, Facebook. But from the short chapter on self and what it means to the actor, I realized that self, is something that changes as often as our wardrobe. "...you change your sense of self a hundred times a day as you are influenced by circumstances, your relationship to others, the nature of the event, and your clothing," Uta says.

We never stick to being one person. I was so determined and enthusiastic as I sat before my email list. I was ready for the year, an unstoppable force. But before I knew it, that mask came down and just below one awaited that was ready to spend the day splashing by the pool. With two fearless little boys ready to splashdown in the afternoon sun, I was a character that loved to laugh and be active. I was swimming and running. No time was spent lying by the pool, every second was soaked up in action. But immediately after, a new mask took over and I began to worry about the car payment I had forgotten to make. Would my credit suffer? Was this bound to happen again? How would I stop from becoming a repeat offender. This was NOT like me!

And all these personas were me, yet still a very small part of me because there was still so much more. We all play many parts in our lifetime and wear many masks. Just like in one afternoon I was the efficient worker, free spirit, and forgetful adult, and went on to at least two more parts by day's end. In life, situations we're put in and life "happening" gives us reasons and excuses to live one of our many lives. As actors, the exploration of our many sides gives us a peak into the ritual that is acting. Like Uta said "It soon becomes clear that the basic components of the characters we will play are somewhere within ourselves".

The many masks we wear are a stepping stone towards the parts we wish to play. And the parts I played today had lovely, efficient afternoon. Let's see who I am tomorrow.