Here we go... a new dawn.

So the summer is over and the days have started earlier. As my alarm clock went off this morning at an hour I hadn't see since May, I wish I could say that I had a renewed sense of excitment... but really I was just tired. I had spent the summer in bliss organizing closets, tanning by the pool, and reading book for the shear joy of reading.... but it was time to buckle down and face reality and the buzz of my automatic toothbrush was reminding me of that. I was not happy and the thought of doing this everyday made me well... tired.

I walked back to my room, sat in my bed and tried to summon the will to move. I looked down by the nightstand and there was Uta. The book looked up at me, so I grabbed it and flipped through. I landed on the chapters on Physical and Psychological Activity. I remember the advice that was given in order to prepare actors to manifest the physical and psychological. Imagine exaclty what happens to the body and mind when such things happen. When a headache looms, where does the pain begin? Is there a throb behind the eye? Does vision get blurry? When mourning over the loss of a loved one occurs, what did it feel like? When it happened to you in your past, what surrounded you?

So I used that lesson. I thought back to my previous years and the memories I had made. I remember the sense of accomplishment when we were victorious . I remembered the frustration when deadlines came near. I remembered where I was and who acompanied me when our school's events were boisterious and memorable. I remembered and felt everything that made my year one of fullfilment and I realized again, why I loved my proffession.

And so I went to my window and moved the curtain. The sun was starting to peak, and the dawn was no longer annoying. I was ready. Here we go!

The masks we wear... and change out of and back into...

Today I spent the day with my nephews. They are both still very young, full of energy and life. Just before they arrived with their mother, I was sitting at my computer vigorously answering emails about our thespian banquet and the auditorium's sound system update. When the two boys ran into my apartment their hands went straight for all the things they shouldn't be touching, one of those being my checkbook, which reminded me that I was five days late on my car payment.

In those moments, I was so many people. I went from the dedicated teacher, trying to think ahead to stay on track to the fun loving aunt excited for the good times in store. From there I quickly became the scatter-brained adult a little on the forgetful side. Like an actor, I was playing the roles that make up my life.

Uta Hagen writes to her audience about exploration of self. Who are we? Is that a question that we can answer simply and in a few sentences. It's so often that we have to: dating profiles, resumes, Facebook. But from the short chapter on self and what it means to the actor, I realized that self, is something that changes as often as our wardrobe. "...you change your sense of self a hundred times a day as you are influenced by circumstances, your relationship to others, the nature of the event, and your clothing," Uta says.

We never stick to being one person. I was so determined and enthusiastic as I sat before my email list. I was ready for the year, an unstoppable force. But before I knew it, that mask came down and just below one awaited that was ready to spend the day splashing by the pool. With two fearless little boys ready to splashdown in the afternoon sun, I was a character that loved to laugh and be active. I was swimming and running. No time was spent lying by the pool, every second was soaked up in action. But immediately after, a new mask took over and I began to worry about the car payment I had forgotten to make. Would my credit suffer? Was this bound to happen again? How would I stop from becoming a repeat offender. This was NOT like me!

And all these personas were me, yet still a very small part of me because there was still so much more. We all play many parts in our lifetime and wear many masks. Just like in one afternoon I was the efficient worker, free spirit, and forgetful adult, and went on to at least two more parts by day's end. In life, situations we're put in and life "happening" gives us reasons and excuses to live one of our many lives. As actors, the exploration of our many sides gives us a peak into the ritual that is acting. Like Uta said "It soon becomes clear that the basic components of the characters we will play are somewhere within ourselves".

The many masks we wear are a stepping stone towards the parts we wish to play. And the parts I played today had lovely, efficient afternoon. Let's see who I am tomorrow.

Taking care of my instrument

After I had been teaching for about a year and a half, I made a difficult discovery... four years of late night college pizza and eighteen months of gifts of food and teacher luncheons had left me seriously overweight. I was unhappy with myself and my appearance and with a family that suffers from heart disease, I was not headed down a good path. So with a new found confidence and determination, I went to work on my body and slowly and steadily I embarked on the road to weight loss, fitness and self-esteem.

I succeeded in my goals and, though my weight and fitness level has its good months and its bad, it is something that I have accepted and work on a little at a time everyday. I always knew that staying fit and healthy was something that I had to do for my well-being, but I never thought about how much this was something that I should be instilling in my students.

An actor must treat his/her body like an instrument. Uta mentions that the actor must keep aspects of their body in tip top shape in order to be able to do their job properly. They must keep their voices trained and healthy, they need to practice eloquent and intelligent speech and of course they must keep their body ready for the challenges of a role.

When a dancer has a well trained technique, it shows. His pirouettes are strong and supported, her leaps are landed with ease and confidence. When a musician has spent time and effort on their instrument, the strokes which make the beautiful melodies come from a place of obvious hard work and dedication. Uta points out that an actor on the other hand is usually thought to be blessed with a "natural talent". That, however, is not the case with actors and it is the job of actors, and in my case an acting teacher, to prove that wrong. Acting seems to come from a place of natural talent. Acting seems so easy to those who don't know, but we as actors must train every aspect of our body and mind in order to prepare and transform. Our voices will no longer be our own. Our bodies will be moving differently, and our speech must emulate someone else's. Therefore in our everyday lives, we must prepare for the next role. Practice good speech, prepare the voice for fatigue, make sure the body is in physical shape. We must be ready.

So little did I know that in my lifestyle change, I was emulating the type of behavior that my student actors need to be living. I realized then and I know now even more how important my body is. It's the only one I'm going to get and caring for it goes a long way. I am preparing it for a long, healthy life, and the type of life that will make for a strong, balanced actor.

Art among me

As a high school theatre teacher, you cannot help but come to terms with the fact that sometimes, life gets in the way. Rehearsals can be interrupted daily by anything: a lovers' quarrel and the resulting tears that follow, a parent pickup for SAT tutoring, and (not that this ever happens... right??) the unfortunate detention for being late to first period. We forget sometimes that the world does not revolve around our art. I find myself begging my students to leave "life" at the door and engulf yourself only in the moment. But to my dismay, that can never be the case and "life happens". I have sometimes wondered... "how do my student actors expect to get any sort of work done to the best of their ability when they constantly let life get in the way?"

And so when I turned to Uta yesterday, she shared with me this bit of wisdom. She defined talent as "the natural endowment of a person with special or creative aptitudes," she also went on to say...

"In an actor, I believe, these endowments consist of high sensitivity and responsiveness to sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, of exceptional sensitivity to others, of being easily moved by beauty and pain, and of having a soaring imagination without losing control of reality."

I have always encouraged my students to be in touch with their emotions and the world around them. I remind them to keep journals in order to give voice to their thoughts no matter how simple or abstract. It is the healthy balance of observation and raw talent that makes for a healthy balance on stage. And so I read on...

"...remember that once you can read, you can educate yourself in the understanding of human beings and the social conditions under which man has struggled throughout history... your feet can take you to museums, galleries, libraries, theaters, concerts and dance performances."

And so without thinking, I opened my laptop searched the web and decided on a post lunch trip to the Frost Art Museum at the Florida International University Campus. I wandered the exhibit rooms taking in the works. Colors... shapes... smells.... sounds.... it was a typical museum visit. Some works spoke to me and some didn't. But there, in the solitude of the museum (it was pretty empty), I realized what I already knew... I had a re-relization. Theatre is a life study. It is art and life in perfect harmony and if we don't take the time to really live and appreciate the life around us and how it inspires art, we can't fully realize our talent as people of theatre.

It is so important to make observations; to keep our eyes, ears, and hearts open to the world around us, both real and artistic. I guess we owe to our art. So amidst the art in the afternoon, I made the promise to keep a more open mind to as much as I can. And because of that the occasional rehearsal interruption when "life happens" may not seem so irritating to me.

And life and art went on...

Prepared for the Challenge

"Theoretically, the actor ought to be more sound in mind and body than other people, since he learns to understand the psychological problems of human beings when putting his own passions, his loves, fears, and rages to work in the service of the characters he plays. He will learn to face himself, to hide nothing from himself- and to do so takes an insatiable curiosity about the human condition"

I couldn't have said it better myself. And I didn't have to because Uta said it for me and way before I ever could.

And so the challenge begins. As the summer is at its highest point, I am beginning to prepare my thoughts and ideas for the school year to come. Every year I try and find a way to recharge my educational batteries. A true teacher never stops learning so I try to keep discovering and exploring... being the type of teacher who develops a sense of the ever changing world; as a high school theatre teacher that's important. And so this blog was born...

I am going to revisit the teachings and wisdom of one of my favorite acting teachers: Uta Hagen, a woman who was considered one of the most truthful actresses of her day.

Truthful: it's a word that, on so many levels, is taken for granted. But when it comes to acting "truth" is something unusually connected to fiction. In learning to accept truths, we as actors and people of theatre better understand what we wish to do everyday. And so the journey begins as does my time with Uta.

I will read, I will comment, I will live and experience. I plan to spend time learning more about the craft I love to teach in order to give a little more to my students. I also plan to give a little more to myself. Hopefully, this challenge leads me to discover more about acting, and more about myself.

And so here we go... Chapter 1...